I haven’t written a blog in over a year and a half! Whoa. I thought I’d just quit blogging altogether, but I actually really love to write…I just have different things to write about now. So maybe I’ll still blog from time to time, though it won’t be about the rescue world so much any more.
I started a new job in June 2015, and moved in June 2016. My job keeps me very busy, and I work more than 40 hours on a regular basis, so time for the rescue stuff has been very limited. I am still a board member for Last Hope Rescue, and I still run all of their social media and adoption sites. Because I am renting a house, I don’t foster any more. I do frequently visit the local animal shelter and humane society though. It’s funny how much I miss fostering. The enjoyment of bringing a new pup into my house, introducing them to my dogs, and seeing the dog flourish and then get chosen for adoption…it does something good for my soul.
Jayden is still struggling with his anxiety. Some days are good, some are tough….every day is exhausting. I never know how he will react to things. Will he like this activity? Does he want this to eat? Will he have a meltdown because we’re having chicken again? Will he have a panic attack because there’s too many strangers around? His anxiety causes him to have very low self esteem and a lack of confidence. The only time he can just be himself, without being nervous or overly anxious, is when he plays sports. I am so thankful for that, because I know for some kids with anxiety, sports is a nightmare. But not for Jayden. That’s the only time I see him consistently act without fear.
I get asked all to often why I’m not dating, why I don’t go out more than I do…people just don’t understand. Sometimes I just want to stay home, and watch tv and not have to make any decisions. The thought of bringing someone new into our world is…not easy. I live life in protection mode, always having to explain the world to Jayden. I constantly have to be ready to handle his reactions. He can sometimes have a few weeks that are really good, and then an entire week of meltdowns, and self-deprecating thoughts. No matter how good of a day he may have, at bed time he could be crying and asking why he is such a bad kid. It’s really hard to be his mom, knowing that I can’t fix this, I can’t make him see what a smart, funny, great kid he is. No matter how often I tell him, or how often I point out the positive things, his brain doesn’t let him see it. His anxiety is unpredictable, and doesn’t get any better after he gets through a situation positively. His mind is always focused on the worst possible result, for every day, every situation he encounters, every person he meets. It’s exhausting.
That being said though, we are enjoying our new home town. We live minutes away from my parents, and Jayden loves getting to see Nanny and Papa so often. It also allows us to see my nephew much more often, since he visits my parents a lot, which is wonderful! We love being minutes away from the beach, and the dogs love their frequent visits to the ocean.
I’m not sure how often I’ll write posts…and I should probably change the name of this site, though I’m not sure what to. Anyone have an idea?! Feel free to share! 🙂 Until next time…adios!